Have you ever lost yourself in a relationship?
Have you ever got so caught up in trying to be that “perfect” girlfriend, you forgot who you are? Idolizing a man and not tending to yourself? I know I'm guilty and I am not proud of it. In my past relationship, I did everything FOR HIM. I got so caught up in trying to be "wifey" to him, I lost who I was. Cooking, cleaning, and making the bed girl. SMH! This was a boyfriend, I was trying to MAKE my husband. You know, working hard trying to get that ring? Ha reality check, the ring never happened! (Thank the Lord)
Do not give a boyfriend, husband benefits girl!
I literally revolved my life around him. I moved away from home for him, I would go shopping and think, would he like to see me in this, blah blah blah... The list goes on. I did so many things for a man that didn't even want to be with me, he just liked what I was doing for him. And I entirely too much! I was so caught up in trying to get my ring, when the break up happened, I was lost. I literally had to learn how to be single again.
It was time to get back to me. But how?
You have to think back to the time in your life before that toxic relationship. How you lived for YOU! It’s kind of like that Rihanna song (not the most biblical song, I know), You Needed Me. It starts off by saying, “I was good on my own, that’s the way it was.” I definitely can relate to that song! I was great before that relationship and I had to be great AFTER that relationship because now it’s just faded love. It was a good run while it lasted but he needed me more than I needed him. Once he felt as though he didn't need me anymore, he moved on to the next. Now, he has the white horse and the carriage but who cares? There is so much more waiting for you!
Miss Lady! You are single again! Cherish these moments because there are woman out there that are stuck in relationships that they wish they could get out of. You are able to make moves without having to answer to anyone, consider anyone (for the most part), and you don't have to worry about checking in with anybody. You do you! I would go out with my girls, lay around in my pajamas all day, leave the house whenever I wanted, and do things for me. Now don’t get me wrong. He did NOT control me by any means. I still did the things I wanted to do, I just always considered him even when he didn’t always considered me. I would make sure I was always tangible to him. That is how I lost myself.
When the break up happened, I did not know what to do with myself. I felt so lost. He wasn’t there for me to talk to or hang out with anymore. It was like losing my best friend. Reality is, life goes on baby girl! God saw fit for him to be gone! He wasn't adding anything to my life, he was only taking away. Understand that no matter what relationship that you are in you still need a life outside of that relationship. You still need to live regardless of who you are with.
Never stop living for you and never put yourself in a
place where you are only living for someone else.
Starting doing the things that you love again and what makes (insert your name) happy. Revisit those old hobbies or start to pursue new ones that you’ve always wanted to try. For me, that was out going, couponing, painting, and taking care of myself. It’s all about self-love. Rekindle those friendships that you pushed to the side to spend more time with that man. You know that trip that you always wanted to go on, go! A few days after my break up, I had to get away. I booked a trip to visit an old friend. It was a time for me to get away and reflect. Go get pampered, take a walk in the park, spend time with God. Trust me, you will feel so much better and the more you do it the more you will begin to becoming yourself again. It's going to take some time but it will happened. So, don't stay in the house and dwell in your heartbreak. Get out! Enjoy your freedom!
There is life after him, honey. Learn how to find yourself again!
"Dont worry about finding your soulmate. Find yourself"
-Jason Evert
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