A Letter to the Other Woman

Dear The Other Woman,

Congratulations, you won!  I know I didn’t put up much of a fight against you but I know for a fact that in my relationship with that "man" I gave my all. It didn’t take much for you to sweep what I thought was real right from under my feet. Bravo! Bravo! I'm actually kind of shocked that it was that easy. You go girl! I want to inform you that I am honored that you were able to snatch what I thought I wanted and showed me that I deserve so much more. Hopefully, one day you will realize that you do also before it’s too late.

You see, if it wasn’t for you, I would be still stuck in a relationship that I wasn’t truly happy in. I was only settling for what I thought was a good relationship but the truth of matter is, I wasn’t fulfilled. Are you? During my relationship with your now “man” I was constantly praying for God to purge the things and people out of my life that he didn’t see fit. Then you came along. How does the saying go? “God works in mysterious ways, honey.” At first I blamed you but then I had a reality check and realized that this is what I was asking God for. He knew I wanted marriage, kids, the house with the white picket fence and in order for him to send those things into my life, he had to move the random (your now boo) that I was holding on to out of my life.

Truthfully, I hope you are truly happy and not living in fear. Living with the fear that some other woman will come along and do what you did to me. I mean if it was that easy for you… But hey, you don’t have anything to worry about that, right?

Now, don’t get me wrong, you have gained you a wonderful man. He says he loves, he takes care of you, he blasts you on all of his social media platforms, wine and dines you; you know all of the "good stuff." Let me ask you a few questions though. When he isn’t in his narcissist ways (which is rarely) does he truly supports you, deeply shows you that he cares for you, does he lead you spiritually? I’m going to say this, be careful with the image that he is trying to uphold because that image is not benefiting you in anyway. He will have you floating on Cloud 9 but please be careful because that cloud could explode with more precipitation (drama, cheating, lies, and disappointment) than you can handle. Not to mention, what goes around comes around, full circle. So cliché, right? How about, “the way you got that man, is the same way that you could lose that man.”

I must say that I constantly pray for the both of you. I pray that the both of you are truly happy within the home and not through your highlight reel. I would never want to wish ill will or what the both of you did to me upon anyone else. I have moved to the side and allowed God to handle the situation the way he sees fit. You are of no worry to me anymore. I have placed it all in his hands. I now understand that God was only protecting me and making way for his best for me. What you have now was not his best, for me that is. So, I forgive you. I forgive you for knowing about me and still choosing to wreck my home. Honestly, I truly feel sorry for you but I pray that everything works out in your favor. But, if you ever need guidance through heartbreak, I am your girl because I know exactly what you are going to go through because I have been in those shoes before.

I wish you the best darling and I truly hope that you got what you wanted .

Sincerely,

The Ex-Girlfriend

Did you really win?

Forgiveness

Learn from what happen, pray for them, and move forward. The door is now closed, and guess what? It will be okay.

– Tovares Grey

When someone hurts you, its so easy to want to pay them back in full! If you are anything like me, you would want to do some damage, girl! But you see, I'm a classy woman, therefore I took the high road and just left with my head held high. Now, I can't speak for my friends and family, they want to kick some butt, slash some tires, and some more stuff. My friends always tell me I am such a strong woman for handling the entire situation the way I did. I had to say to myself, is it really worth it? Worth the energy and dignity to try and hurt them the way that they hurt me.

The Bible tells us to befriend our enemies. Eh! I can't say that I will ever befriend him but I can say that I can give him respect just as a cashier in the grocery store. You know the smile and pay for your grocery and you out, type of respect!

When we've been wounded by someone, it's hard to forgive that person for what they may have caused you. Especially, if you never receive closure or a simple sorry. The truth is forgiveness is not always for the person that hurt you, it's for you. It allows you to move on from that chapter in your life. When you don't forgive that person that cut you so deeply it is only hindering you in your healing process.

Now, I am not saying that you have to call that person up or send them a text stating that you have forgiven them. Do as you see fit but that person doesn't necessarily have to know. Your forgiveness towards them could be as simple as cracking a smile to them as they walk by. Forgiving them definitely does not excuse their misdeeds towards you but it allows you to be the bigger person. You are able to recognize, forgive, and love them from a distance in spite of their actions. Honey, you are much stronger that you think!

During this healing process it's hard to forgive. I know firsthand it took me awhile to forgive that fool for what he put me through. He hurt me so badly. I had to realize that if I was going to move on, I had to forgive him and his selfish ways. I even had to forgive the female that he cheated on me with. I constantly prayed for the Lord to work on me and my ability to forgive them. It's a process in itself and certainly not easy trust me! It is nothing that happens over night. When you are truly able to understand that their removal from your life is for your good and making room for greater, it's easier to forgive them and thank them for walking out of your life.

*Praise Dance*

As I've said before, forgiveness is something that you have to do for YOU. Learn to forgive them even if they’re not sorry. Pray for them. Allow God to handle them the way that he sees fit. I know it’s easy to sit around and wish that they can feel your pain or wish karma over their lives but it isn’t the right thing to do. It is not your place to wish horrible things upon their lives because of what they have done to you. I personally struggled in this area. I desperately wanted him to feel the pain, to cry every night, for him to get cheated on, beg for me back, etc. The list goes on but I had to realize that he was not my problem anymore and I had to hand him over to the Lord. He wasn’t my responsibility, no matter how much I wanted to take matters into my own hands. I truly had to let go and a part of letting go was truly forgiving him. When you are able to honestly let go, it will be a weight lifted off of your spirit. Relief. That person doesn’t deserve you to give them anymore of yourself. Not your time nor your thoughts. They walked out or caused you to have to walk out remember? So, don’t allow for them to constantly run your life.

You have to realize that breakups aren’t always meant for make ups, sometimes relationships end so you can wake up!

-Kimberly Jones Pothier

When someone breaks up with you and continues to try to hurt you. Do yourself favor and cut them off. Apply the no contact rule. No phone calls, no text messages, sliding in the DM's, no nothing!Allowing them to continue to have access to you creates confusion and it keeps your heart from mending. Misery loves company so don’t allow for them to cause that in your life. They broke up with you, broke your heart and now they don’t want to see you happy. Know that you are a child of God and in him comes joy, not temporary happiness. That heartbreak and rejection was God’s way of saying, “I’ve got BETTER for you. Girl get ready!

Forgiveness:

-          Breaks a cycle of retaliation and leads to mutual reconciliation.

-          May make the enemy feel ashamed and change his or her ways.

-          Repaying evil with evil, hurts you just as much as it hurts your enemy.

“Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone. Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger to God. For the scripture says, I will take revenge, I will pay them back,” says the Lord.”

Romans 13: 17-19

Jealously is a Disease

Have you ever felt like life was happening around you but not to you?

Before the breakup, life was good and everything seem to be going according to plan, MY plan that is. I thought I was about to get my diamond ring, have my dream wedding, and have those beautiful children. Before my eyes, everything went left and came crashing down. Then, once I had learned to accept what had happened and became a little content, it seems like everyone around me has everything going for themselves but me. Have you ever felt this way? Preach to me if you have! 

A spirit of envy had taken ahold of my heart.

Your friends are getting married and having children, getting new jobs, buying new houses, and truly enjoying life. But what about me?! You may be asking yourself. Everyone is being blessed with the things that you want, while you are left trying to pick up the pieces and mending a broken heart.

Girl... I can tell you jealousy is a powerful thing! It is not a characteristic of a Christian and it only shows that you are still being controlled and conformed by your own desires.

Please understand that each of us has a purpose in life and no one’s path is the same. Yet, no matter what one’s task is, it is all for the works for the Lord.

1 Corinthians 3:3.

Being jealous indicates that we are not satisfied with what God has already blessed you with. How can God trust us with more if we are not content with what we already have? According to Paul, those who practice jealousy will not inherit the Kingdom of God.

Girl, I can attest, during my time of healing from my breakup it seemed like everyone around me was doing great, while I was crying myself to sleep every night! My friends were having babies, travelling, getting married, and living life the way that I wanted. I thought God had forgotten  all about me! Here I am going through so much pain and trying to do the right thing, I felt like my life was at a complete stand still. (Not knowing that He was working behind the scenes, you know he is always working right?) How is this fair! Whelp, as the saying goes... Life isn't fair!

The act of jealousy is needing something someone else has to be fully satisfied. For example, if you desire to have a child and you learn that your friend is pregnant, jealousy can consume you. It is what you want and what you feel you need to be satisfied in this world. One of the first steps in overcoming jealousy is truly understanding that you are not trusting God and his promise that he over your life. You are conforming to the things of this world to be satisfied. I'm going to tell you, on the other side of that envious heart is a blessing awaiting to happen!

Although, you may feel as though you are in a dry season and things seem to be moving slow for you compared to others, hold on. It is only going to make the desires of your heart when they do come that much greater. One thing that you have to remember also is to not compare yourself to others. God has not forgotten about you honey. In this world, it is so easy to do so but you have to fight the fight of faith. You have to learn to trust his plan and believe.

What he has for you is for you. No one cane take it from you.

Do not allow what is happening around you and to others to set you back from your destiny. Social Media is certainly something that contributes to jealousy. You only see the good through the pictures and videos, not the bad and the ugly. I know for me some times I have to step back from my social media accounts and really focus on what I have been blessed with. Try it sometime, you may realize you actually have really darn good!

So, stop looking around for your satisfaction. Your time will come for those things that you want. It may not come when you want it but He is always on time!

“As the slower times humbles us, deepen our longings, and make the deliverance all the sweeter when it comes.”

Unknown