Finding Yourself, Again

Have you ever lost yourself in a relationship?

Have you ever got so caught up in trying to be that “perfect” girlfriend, you forgot who you are? Idolizing a man and not tending to yourself? I know I'm guilty and I am not proud of it. In my past relationship, I did everything FOR HIM. I got so caught up in trying to be "wifey" to him, I lost who I was. Cooking, cleaning, and making the bed girl. SMH! This was a boyfriend, I was trying to MAKE my husband. You know, working hard trying to get that ring? Ha reality check, the ring never happened! (Thank the Lord) 

 

Do not give a boyfriend, husband benefits girl!  

I literally revolved my life around him. I moved away from home for him, I would go shopping and think, would he like to see me in this, blah blah blah... The list goes on. I did so many things for a man that didn't even want to be with me, he just liked what I was doing for him. And I entirely too much! I was so caught up in trying to get my ring, when the break up happened, I was lost. I literally had to learn how to be single again.

It was time to get back to me. But how?
 

You have to think back to the time in your life before that toxic relationship. How you lived for YOU! It’s kind of like that Rihanna song (not the most biblical song, I know), You Needed Me. It starts off by saying, “I was good on my own, that’s the way it was.” I definitely can relate to that song! I was great before that relationship and I had to be great AFTER that relationship because now it’s just faded love. It was a good run while it lasted but he needed me more than I needed him. Once he felt as though he didn't need me anymore, he moved on to the next. Now, he has the white horse and the carriage but who cares? There is so much more waiting for you!

Miss Lady! You are single again! Cherish these moments because there are woman out there that are stuck in relationships that they wish they could get out of. You are able to make moves without having to answer to anyone, consider anyone (for the most part), and you don't have to worry about checking in with anybody. You do you! I would go out with my girls, lay around in my pajamas all day, leave the house whenever I wanted, and do things for me. Now don’t get me wrong. He did NOT control me by any means. I still did the things I wanted to do, I just always considered him even when he didn’t always considered me. I would make sure I was always tangible to him. That is how I lost myself.

When the break up happened, I did not know what to do with myself. I felt so lost. He wasn’t there for me to talk to or hang out with anymore. It was like losing my best friend. Reality is, life goes on baby girl! God saw fit for him to be gone! He wasn't adding anything to my life, he was only taking away. Understand that no matter what relationship that you are in you still need a life outside of that relationship. You still need to live regardless of who you are with.

 

Never stop living for you and never put yourself in a

 place where you are only living for someone else.

Starting doing the things that you love again and what makes (insert your name) happy. Revisit those old hobbies or start to pursue new ones that you’ve always wanted to try. For me, that was out going, couponing, painting, and taking care of myself. It’s all about self-love. Rekindle those friendships that you pushed to the side to spend more time with that man. You know that trip that you always wanted to go on, go! A few days after my break up, I had to get away. I booked a trip to visit an old friend. It was a time for me to get away and reflect. Go get pampered, take a walk in the park, spend time with God. Trust me, you will feel so much better and the more you do it the more you will begin to becoming yourself again. It's going to take some time but it will happened. So, don't stay in the house and dwell in your heartbreak. Get out! Enjoy your freedom!

There is life after him, honey. Learn how to find yourself again!

 

 

"Dont worry about finding your soulmate. Find yourself"

-Jason Evert

Friend-lationships

Throughout life, friends come and go. 

 

"Everyone has their season."

People come into your lifetime for a lifetime or a season.

 

 

At times, people fail to realize that friendships are relationships too! Not to mention a break up with a friend can be just as detrimental, if not worst. Just like any other relationship, friendships take work and it takes both individuals.

Recently, I had my heart broken by a friend. Honestly, I can't tell you what exactly happened, I just know it ended in a huge fall out with us blaming each other. Are those the worst?!

 

With some friendships you have to learn to let go. Especially if they become toxic to you and your well-being. This could go the other way around as well. If you feel as though the friendship is not mutual, you may grow some ill-feelings towards that person. Which can cause YOU to be toxic to that person. Always giving into a relationship and not getting anything in return (not saying you always have to look for something in return but you want to feel like you have a friend) can be draining. Over the course of different friendships you realize that some people have different views on friendships. Some people are fine with talking to you once every few months and liking your pictures on social media. In my opinion that's an associate. Please don't get those two confused! Friends vs. Associates. Now, don't get me wrong, we all have those friends that we can go weeks without talking to and pick back up where you left off but those are friendship that have been seasoned! I am the type of person that truly value my friends and although I may not talk to you every day after a few weeks of even days, we are hitting each other up like," Girl! Where you been?!" It's all in our love for each other.

 

In friendships you create memories! No matter how bad the fall out, you will never forget the good times. Yet, you will never forget the way that friendship made you feel either. You can't keep pulling at a dead horse (friendship) that isn't working, nor should you have to. How is that any fair to you!? These are the type of friendships that you have to give grace to and move on. It's sometimes best for the both of you. Pray for them and expect nothing in return. Unfortunately, people can become so wrapped up in their own lives they forget about some of the ones that care for them the most. I've seen so many times how a friend will stay in a dead relationship with a significant other and try their hardest at keeping hope alive but when it comes to a friendship they are so quick to write it off!

 

There comes a time when you have to extend the olive branch and leave it there. You probably will never understand where the relationship went left but its okay. Don't keep beating that dead horse! It isn't healthy! Only pray about and place it in the Lords hands. If the friendship is meant to be, the test of time will reveal itself. You never know, the friendship may come back together stronger than ever before! Just do yourself a favor and don't sit around and dwell on that friendship heartbreak. Move on and live your life. That friend may come back around, and be there for them if they need you. Just learn to love them from a distance if you need to.

 

God will place those meant to be in your life in your path. Do you and be a blessing to others! No hard feelings, God is in control and friends come and go...

 

"A sweet friendship refreshes the soul"

Proverbs 27:9