A Letter to the Other Woman

Dear The Other Woman,

Congratulations, you won!  I know I didn’t put up much of a fight against you but I know for a fact that in my relationship with that "man" I gave my all. It didn’t take much for you to sweep what I thought was real right from under my feet. Bravo! Bravo! I'm actually kind of shocked that it was that easy. You go girl! I want to inform you that I am honored that you were able to snatch what I thought I wanted and showed me that I deserve so much more. Hopefully, one day you will realize that you do also before it’s too late.

You see, if it wasn’t for you, I would be still stuck in a relationship that I wasn’t truly happy in. I was only settling for what I thought was a good relationship but the truth of matter is, I wasn’t fulfilled. Are you? During my relationship with your now “man” I was constantly praying for God to purge the things and people out of my life that he didn’t see fit. Then you came along. How does the saying go? “God works in mysterious ways, honey.” At first I blamed you but then I had a reality check and realized that this is what I was asking God for. He knew I wanted marriage, kids, the house with the white picket fence and in order for him to send those things into my life, he had to move the random (your now boo) that I was holding on to out of my life.

Truthfully, I hope you are truly happy and not living in fear. Living with the fear that some other woman will come along and do what you did to me. I mean if it was that easy for you… But hey, you don’t have anything to worry about that, right?

Now, don’t get me wrong, you have gained you a wonderful man. He says he loves, he takes care of you, he blasts you on all of his social media platforms, wine and dines you; you know all of the "good stuff." Let me ask you a few questions though. When he isn’t in his narcissist ways (which is rarely) does he truly supports you, deeply shows you that he cares for you, does he lead you spiritually? I’m going to say this, be careful with the image that he is trying to uphold because that image is not benefiting you in anyway. He will have you floating on Cloud 9 but please be careful because that cloud could explode with more precipitation (drama, cheating, lies, and disappointment) than you can handle. Not to mention, what goes around comes around, full circle. So cliché, right? How about, “the way you got that man, is the same way that you could lose that man.”

I must say that I constantly pray for the both of you. I pray that the both of you are truly happy within the home and not through your highlight reel. I would never want to wish ill will or what the both of you did to me upon anyone else. I have moved to the side and allowed God to handle the situation the way he sees fit. You are of no worry to me anymore. I have placed it all in his hands. I now understand that God was only protecting me and making way for his best for me. What you have now was not his best, for me that is. So, I forgive you. I forgive you for knowing about me and still choosing to wreck my home. Honestly, I truly feel sorry for you but I pray that everything works out in your favor. But, if you ever need guidance through heartbreak, I am your girl because I know exactly what you are going to go through because I have been in those shoes before.

I wish you the best darling and I truly hope that you got what you wanted .

Sincerely,

The Ex-Girlfriend

Did you really win?

A Painful Heart

That reoccurring pain... It sucks! Just when you think you are doing well, something else triggers the pain. Honey, be strong because I promise you that it gets better. 

That pain that you feel, I have felt before. It is a pain that cannot be explained. It hurts and it feels as though someone has taken your heart right out of your chest. Trust me, I know it is killing you inside. I've been there and I am so sorry that you are going through this season. Cling to God and ask him to heal your heart. He is the one that heals the brokenhearted. Cry out to him and allow for him to take away that pain. Feel his presence. I know, each day you are asking yourself when will it go away. Time. It takes time to heal but with God all your wounds will be healed. 

One thing that helped me was listening to worship music and just crying out to him. Tell the Lord to take away the pain. Of course it doesn’t happen right away but God hears you, he sees every tear that falls from your eyes. He will step in when the time is right. Wait on him. He has you and that pain you are feeling will go away. Take a deep breath and know that what you are feeling is only temporary. It gets better.

When I say that I know your pain, I know firsthand. For months, I cried and pleaded with God to take away that pain. For months, I felt as though I could not take life anymore. I wanted to give up. I had no problems sleeping but I couldn’t eat. I wasn’t able to eat for months and I lost several pounds. My clothes didn’t fit me anymore and you could see it in my face that depression had taken over me. In the pit of my chest, it ached. It hurt so badly and I didn’t know how to put back the pieces that he shattered. Over the course of months, I dealt with the pain that he caused me. How could this supposedly man, leave me after three years for another female? I questioned myself constantly, what did I do wrong? When I knew for a fact that I did nothing wrong. Worrying and trying to figure out the answers to my unanswered questions drove me 80mph into my depression. Please, do let this be you. Take it from me, it’s not a road that you want to go down.

Knowing that I went through that pain brings tears to my eyes because it’s a pain that you wouldn’t want to wish on anyone but yet I wanted him to feel what he was putting me through. It hurt and it seemed as though he didn’t care. Not once did he reach back to say, “Are you okay?” He moved on with this girl and didn’t look back. Knowing that is what hurt the most I believe. I can’t explain a heartbreak but trust me I know what you are feeling and what you are going through. I also know that you feel weak and you are tired of crying but please don’t give up. I am a walking testimony that it gets better. I'm here for you. God is here with you. Fight through this because it's not the end, it's only the beginning. 

Your pain has purpose.

Broken crayons still color the same.

– Trent Shelton

The Heartbreak

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”

Heartbreak

is a noun that describes overwhelming

distress, sadness, and disappointment.

Everyone encounters heartbreak at some point in their lives. It can come in the form of the loss of a love one or a relationship ending. Whatever the case maybe, girl it hurts! The feeling is indescribable. It’s just a pain within your heart that feels like it is taking life out of you. Trust me girl, I have felt this pain before and nobody can understand that feeling unless they’ve felt it firsthand. It’s a pain that I wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemy!

When it comes to a relationship ending, honey I can relate. Having a person walk out on you, choose someone else over you, or cheat on you (or all of the above) is something that is extremely hard to go through. You feel used and taken for granted by a person that you love, wondering how could they and why? Knowing you went above and beyond for that person, giving them no reason to walk out on you. Yet, they found some selfish reason to do so. Bump them!

My Story

To sum up my story, I was dating this guy for almost three years. We eventually moved in together (forty-five minutes away from my hometown, family, and friends), mistake #1! I re-located my job, mistake #2. Basically, I did everything for this man, putting him before myself. Mistake #3! To me, I thought our relationship was peachy and we were headed towards marriage. I seriously thought life was good. Ha! Well, I guess he had other plans because he broke up with me and chose another woman he had been cheating on me with. When I found out I was devastated! I was completely blindsided. Literally, a week before our relationship came crumbling down, we celebrated Valentine’s Day. We conversed about our future together, little did I know in reality he was not referring to his future with me. While I was left to pick up the pieces, he moved on and is living happily ever after. There is a lot more to the story but I will save that for a later post.

Stay tuned...

I wish people would understand that love is more than just a feeling, it is something that you have to choose to work for and keep alive. It is not something that is painful nor will it ever cheat on you. Would God cheat on you? No and never will he. So why settle for a human being cheating on you? Gods love is everlasting and he is the perfect companion. He wipes every tear when they fall, he comforts you when you’re lonely, he is your shelter from the rain, he feeds you when you are hungry, and he always makes a way out of no way! So understand that you will get through this!

This relationship ending was God closing a door that you probably shouldn’t have opened in the first place. It’s just as the saying goes…

“When God closes a door, he opens up another.”

So cliché I know but it certainly is true. Allow him to close that door of that relationship, don’t fight him to keep it open! Protect your heart from the heartache that they have already caused you. Don’t allow them to keep hurting you. And honey take it from me, don’t go around digging and trying to find out answers either. What do I mean by digging? I mean stalking his social media accounts, asking his family and friends questions, trying to contact him. Trust me, been there, done that! You are only adding fuel to that narcissistic fool's fire. It will only bring you more pain or cause you to question even more. Trust me, if I could go back in time, I would have closed that door and nailed it shut!  

I know right now it may be hard for you but know that it gets better. This is not the end, it’s only the beginning. What is for you on the other side of this will so much sweeter. This is only a test to your testimony, so don’t give up! I know it may be easier said than done but don’t allow the devil or that man/woman that hurt you to defeat you. Don’t allow this situation to run your life. Honey, they are not worth it!

Keep pressing into the word of God, not into your circumstances and your healer will do his thing!

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. Love never ends.”