A Painful Heart

That reoccurring pain... It sucks! Just when you think you are doing well, something else triggers the pain. Honey, be strong because I promise you that it gets better. 

That pain that you feel, I have felt before. It is a pain that cannot be explained. It hurts and it feels as though someone has taken your heart right out of your chest. Trust me, I know it is killing you inside. I've been there and I am so sorry that you are going through this season. Cling to God and ask him to heal your heart. He is the one that heals the brokenhearted. Cry out to him and allow for him to take away that pain. Feel his presence. I know, each day you are asking yourself when will it go away. Time. It takes time to heal but with God all your wounds will be healed. 

One thing that helped me was listening to worship music and just crying out to him. Tell the Lord to take away the pain. Of course it doesn’t happen right away but God hears you, he sees every tear that falls from your eyes. He will step in when the time is right. Wait on him. He has you and that pain you are feeling will go away. Take a deep breath and know that what you are feeling is only temporary. It gets better.

When I say that I know your pain, I know firsthand. For months, I cried and pleaded with God to take away that pain. For months, I felt as though I could not take life anymore. I wanted to give up. I had no problems sleeping but I couldn’t eat. I wasn’t able to eat for months and I lost several pounds. My clothes didn’t fit me anymore and you could see it in my face that depression had taken over me. In the pit of my chest, it ached. It hurt so badly and I didn’t know how to put back the pieces that he shattered. Over the course of months, I dealt with the pain that he caused me. How could this supposedly man, leave me after three years for another female? I questioned myself constantly, what did I do wrong? When I knew for a fact that I did nothing wrong. Worrying and trying to figure out the answers to my unanswered questions drove me 80mph into my depression. Please, do let this be you. Take it from me, it’s not a road that you want to go down.

Knowing that I went through that pain brings tears to my eyes because it’s a pain that you wouldn’t want to wish on anyone but yet I wanted him to feel what he was putting me through. It hurt and it seemed as though he didn’t care. Not once did he reach back to say, “Are you okay?” He moved on with this girl and didn’t look back. Knowing that is what hurt the most I believe. I can’t explain a heartbreak but trust me I know what you are feeling and what you are going through. I also know that you feel weak and you are tired of crying but please don’t give up. I am a walking testimony that it gets better. I'm here for you. God is here with you. Fight through this because it's not the end, it's only the beginning. 

Your pain has purpose.

Broken crayons still color the same.

– Trent Shelton

Forgiveness

Learn from what happen, pray for them, and move forward. The door is now closed, and guess what? It will be okay.

– Tovares Grey

When someone hurts you, its so easy to want to pay them back in full! If you are anything like me, you would want to do some damage, girl! But you see, I'm a classy woman, therefore I took the high road and just left with my head held high. Now, I can't speak for my friends and family, they want to kick some butt, slash some tires, and some more stuff. My friends always tell me I am such a strong woman for handling the entire situation the way I did. I had to say to myself, is it really worth it? Worth the energy and dignity to try and hurt them the way that they hurt me.

The Bible tells us to befriend our enemies. Eh! I can't say that I will ever befriend him but I can say that I can give him respect just as a cashier in the grocery store. You know the smile and pay for your grocery and you out, type of respect!

When we've been wounded by someone, it's hard to forgive that person for what they may have caused you. Especially, if you never receive closure or a simple sorry. The truth is forgiveness is not always for the person that hurt you, it's for you. It allows you to move on from that chapter in your life. When you don't forgive that person that cut you so deeply it is only hindering you in your healing process.

Now, I am not saying that you have to call that person up or send them a text stating that you have forgiven them. Do as you see fit but that person doesn't necessarily have to know. Your forgiveness towards them could be as simple as cracking a smile to them as they walk by. Forgiving them definitely does not excuse their misdeeds towards you but it allows you to be the bigger person. You are able to recognize, forgive, and love them from a distance in spite of their actions. Honey, you are much stronger that you think!

During this healing process it's hard to forgive. I know firsthand it took me awhile to forgive that fool for what he put me through. He hurt me so badly. I had to realize that if I was going to move on, I had to forgive him and his selfish ways. I even had to forgive the female that he cheated on me with. I constantly prayed for the Lord to work on me and my ability to forgive them. It's a process in itself and certainly not easy trust me! It is nothing that happens over night. When you are truly able to understand that their removal from your life is for your good and making room for greater, it's easier to forgive them and thank them for walking out of your life.

*Praise Dance*

As I've said before, forgiveness is something that you have to do for YOU. Learn to forgive them even if they’re not sorry. Pray for them. Allow God to handle them the way that he sees fit. I know it’s easy to sit around and wish that they can feel your pain or wish karma over their lives but it isn’t the right thing to do. It is not your place to wish horrible things upon their lives because of what they have done to you. I personally struggled in this area. I desperately wanted him to feel the pain, to cry every night, for him to get cheated on, beg for me back, etc. The list goes on but I had to realize that he was not my problem anymore and I had to hand him over to the Lord. He wasn’t my responsibility, no matter how much I wanted to take matters into my own hands. I truly had to let go and a part of letting go was truly forgiving him. When you are able to honestly let go, it will be a weight lifted off of your spirit. Relief. That person doesn’t deserve you to give them anymore of yourself. Not your time nor your thoughts. They walked out or caused you to have to walk out remember? So, don’t allow for them to constantly run your life.

You have to realize that breakups aren’t always meant for make ups, sometimes relationships end so you can wake up!

-Kimberly Jones Pothier

When someone breaks up with you and continues to try to hurt you. Do yourself favor and cut them off. Apply the no contact rule. No phone calls, no text messages, sliding in the DM's, no nothing!Allowing them to continue to have access to you creates confusion and it keeps your heart from mending. Misery loves company so don’t allow for them to cause that in your life. They broke up with you, broke your heart and now they don’t want to see you happy. Know that you are a child of God and in him comes joy, not temporary happiness. That heartbreak and rejection was God’s way of saying, “I’ve got BETTER for you. Girl get ready!

Forgiveness:

-          Breaks a cycle of retaliation and leads to mutual reconciliation.

-          May make the enemy feel ashamed and change his or her ways.

-          Repaying evil with evil, hurts you just as much as it hurts your enemy.

“Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone. Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger to God. For the scripture says, I will take revenge, I will pay them back,” says the Lord.”

Romans 13: 17-19

The Highlight Reel

Social Media has become so many peoples reality. It's pretty sad if you think about it. They live off of the amount of likes and comments that they get from an edited photo or filtered video. This is what we call a highlight reel. A place where individuals highlight all the good in their lives, showcasing what they WANT you to see. Ok, I'm guilty but I am not about to put up the bad and ugly going on in my life, who does that? So, the outsider looking in gets drawn into the false advertisements of others lives. Thinking that they've got it all put together and got it going on. Well honey, I am here to tell you that they don't! 

Real recognize Real Moment

For me, when I was digging where I had no business, in his profile, I would see him posting pictures of them together all happy go lucky. He kept his profile open for awhile, which I believe was a tactic to get to me, and it worked! Anyways, he would post pictures of them like he didn't just break up with me a week ago and took all of our pictures down. He had this girl in his back pocket for awhile is what it all boils down to. He broke up with me and pulled her out for the entire world to see! Just like that and in that order. He would post captions such as "He is happier than he's ever been." Not to mention he said the same things about me, under our pictures. Girl, he are putting on for the media, hard! It was so annoying but I was dumb enough to keep feeding into it.

Understand this, no matter how much people stunt for social media, in real life they are still the SAME person. Remember that! They just have someone new around their arm and on their page. So the same things you dealt with him are the same things that she is going to have to deal with. The poor finance management, self centered mentality, the lies, and maybe the cheating still remains. They can not change those traits in a matter of days.

 Is it really true, "Once a cheater, always a cheater?" 

Don't get caught up in the edited photos because honestly you don't know what is going on behind closed doors. Nor is it any of your business because guess what? They aren't your problem anymore! Let's give a huge sigh of relief! 

These social media platforms are places where people want you to think only the good of them. I mean who is going to post a picture of the mess that they are in? So, stop searching, because when you start digging you are bound to find something.

Get off of their social media! Block them if you have to. I know I sure did. It came to a point where I didn't want to know anything about what they had going on and I dang on sure didn't want them to know what I was doing! Not to say that they were concerned in the first place but I wasn't giving them the option! I truly had to remove myself from social media to guard my heart. Mainly because I was ashamed of what others would think of me. I mean he did cheat on me. I use to think that well since he cheated on me I had to have done something wrong...

Wrong answer! I was more than a great woman to that boy. He just wasn't man enough to see it. I wasn't good enough for him and that is perfectly fine. Just know that you will be good enough for somebody one day! 

Let me tell you one thing that I learned during my break-up, people aren't stupid. They can figure things out through a couple of photos. It's crazy! It's sad but people live for the drama girl. They can figure out if you deleted your pictures off Instagram of one girl then a few weeks later you flood their timelines with a new one...just saying girl! So don't drive yourself crazy wondering what everyone is thinking. Who cares?! You did nothing wrong so live in your truth. They will end up trying to put two and two together, so you don't have to explain yourself to anyone. Trust me, they will ask. There are always three sides to every story, yours, theirs, and the truth. Honey, God doesn't like ugly so if they continue to lie on you the truth will eventually come out. So don't waste your time trying to explain your side of the story! Let God work it out. What's that saying? What goes around comes back around. 

It may not be immediately but it will make its way back around. Let them put on for their social media sights and live their life, it is ok. It is not always what it seems, so do not feed into what it seems to be and allow your mind to play tricks on you. Allow social media be what it is and live in YOUR reality.

Isaiah 41:10

“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Jealously is a Disease

Have you ever felt like life was happening around you but not to you?

Before the breakup, life was good and everything seem to be going according to plan, MY plan that is. I thought I was about to get my diamond ring, have my dream wedding, and have those beautiful children. Before my eyes, everything went left and came crashing down. Then, once I had learned to accept what had happened and became a little content, it seems like everyone around me has everything going for themselves but me. Have you ever felt this way? Preach to me if you have! 

A spirit of envy had taken ahold of my heart.

Your friends are getting married and having children, getting new jobs, buying new houses, and truly enjoying life. But what about me?! You may be asking yourself. Everyone is being blessed with the things that you want, while you are left trying to pick up the pieces and mending a broken heart.

Girl... I can tell you jealousy is a powerful thing! It is not a characteristic of a Christian and it only shows that you are still being controlled and conformed by your own desires.

Please understand that each of us has a purpose in life and no one’s path is the same. Yet, no matter what one’s task is, it is all for the works for the Lord.

1 Corinthians 3:3.

Being jealous indicates that we are not satisfied with what God has already blessed you with. How can God trust us with more if we are not content with what we already have? According to Paul, those who practice jealousy will not inherit the Kingdom of God.

Girl, I can attest, during my time of healing from my breakup it seemed like everyone around me was doing great, while I was crying myself to sleep every night! My friends were having babies, travelling, getting married, and living life the way that I wanted. I thought God had forgotten  all about me! Here I am going through so much pain and trying to do the right thing, I felt like my life was at a complete stand still. (Not knowing that He was working behind the scenes, you know he is always working right?) How is this fair! Whelp, as the saying goes... Life isn't fair!

The act of jealousy is needing something someone else has to be fully satisfied. For example, if you desire to have a child and you learn that your friend is pregnant, jealousy can consume you. It is what you want and what you feel you need to be satisfied in this world. One of the first steps in overcoming jealousy is truly understanding that you are not trusting God and his promise that he over your life. You are conforming to the things of this world to be satisfied. I'm going to tell you, on the other side of that envious heart is a blessing awaiting to happen!

Although, you may feel as though you are in a dry season and things seem to be moving slow for you compared to others, hold on. It is only going to make the desires of your heart when they do come that much greater. One thing that you have to remember also is to not compare yourself to others. God has not forgotten about you honey. In this world, it is so easy to do so but you have to fight the fight of faith. You have to learn to trust his plan and believe.

What he has for you is for you. No one cane take it from you.

Do not allow what is happening around you and to others to set you back from your destiny. Social Media is certainly something that contributes to jealousy. You only see the good through the pictures and videos, not the bad and the ugly. I know for me some times I have to step back from my social media accounts and really focus on what I have been blessed with. Try it sometime, you may realize you actually have really darn good!

So, stop looking around for your satisfaction. Your time will come for those things that you want. It may not come when you want it but He is always on time!

“As the slower times humbles us, deepen our longings, and make the deliverance all the sweeter when it comes.”

Unknown

Face the Facts

“Acceptance of what has happened is the first step
to overcoming the consequences of any misfortune.”

William James

Let's face the facts! The breakup happened. It's time to get out of your denial and come to realization that they are gone. Stop thinking, "Oh, they'll be back." Honey, they don't need to come back! They made a choice or you had to make the choice to walk away. Why give them the options and have chance after chance? Once you've made that choice to leave, there is no coming back over here! It's a done deal. Now it's time for you to make the decision to either live in denial, fighting to keep that door open to a broken relationship. Or you can make the choice to allow God to close that door and restore you. I know it's hard but it's time to take the steps to accept what has happened. Honey, it is not easy but trust and believe that there is always sunshine after the storm.

That random that has caused you that indescribable pain, let them go! Let them live the life that they choose to live. All you can do is pray for them and leave them in the hands of the Lord. When you are able to fully let them go, you will feel a weight lifted off of your heart. When you want to move towards acceptance, you have to find it within yourself to dig deep. Decide if you want to continue to hurt or do you want to live the life that God has promised you. Girl, its all apart of the his plan! Don't allow this situation to block or hinder your growth any longer. Take back what the devil stole from you. He didn't steal that man either! Accept and move forward in your healing. Don't fight to hold on to a relationship that you thought was meant for you.

What is meant for you, is for you. No one can take it from you.

Acceptance is certainly a hard pill to swallow. Yet, when you are sick and tired of being sick and tired you will figure out a way to swallow it. Its hard to accept that the person that you want doesn't want you anymore. No one likes rejection! You have been hurt, abused, and lied to but God is still in control. There was a point where I kept saying to myself, "why is this happening to me?" I thought I did everything right. Just because your a child of God doesn't mean your immune to the things of this world. Don't carry this hurt and know that you are not alone. Sometimes it seems like there is no way out but in due time things will turn around. This situation is only temporary. Be strong!

He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless (Isaiah 40:29).

You can and will make it through but you have to accept the reality of it all. Make the decision today that you will no longer live in denial. You will no longer allow for him or her, nor the devil to delay your healing. They are not worth it so don't allow them to rule your life. This is something that I had to work on daily. I allowed for him to rule my life by taking over my mind, being afraid to go out in public, continuing on social media, and loosing myself because of what he did to me. I was so ashamed when I didn't do anything wrong! I’m telling you out of experience to fight that spirit of defeat. Greater is coming if you just hold on and don't allow yourself to give up. God always gets the victory so remain in his corner because he is fighting this battle for you!

“Lord grant me the ability to change the things that I can change and accept the things that I am unable to change, and the wisdom to know the difference.”