A Letter to the Other Woman

Dear The Other Woman,

Congratulations, you won!  I know I didn’t put up much of a fight against you but I know for a fact that in my relationship with that "man" I gave my all. It didn’t take much for you to sweep what I thought was real right from under my feet. Bravo! Bravo! I'm actually kind of shocked that it was that easy. You go girl! I want to inform you that I am honored that you were able to snatch what I thought I wanted and showed me that I deserve so much more. Hopefully, one day you will realize that you do also before it’s too late.

You see, if it wasn’t for you, I would be still stuck in a relationship that I wasn’t truly happy in. I was only settling for what I thought was a good relationship but the truth of matter is, I wasn’t fulfilled. Are you? During my relationship with your now “man” I was constantly praying for God to purge the things and people out of my life that he didn’t see fit. Then you came along. How does the saying go? “God works in mysterious ways, honey.” At first I blamed you but then I had a reality check and realized that this is what I was asking God for. He knew I wanted marriage, kids, the house with the white picket fence and in order for him to send those things into my life, he had to move the random (your now boo) that I was holding on to out of my life.

Truthfully, I hope you are truly happy and not living in fear. Living with the fear that some other woman will come along and do what you did to me. I mean if it was that easy for you… But hey, you don’t have anything to worry about that, right?

Now, don’t get me wrong, you have gained you a wonderful man. He says he loves, he takes care of you, he blasts you on all of his social media platforms, wine and dines you; you know all of the "good stuff." Let me ask you a few questions though. When he isn’t in his narcissist ways (which is rarely) does he truly supports you, deeply shows you that he cares for you, does he lead you spiritually? I’m going to say this, be careful with the image that he is trying to uphold because that image is not benefiting you in anyway. He will have you floating on Cloud 9 but please be careful because that cloud could explode with more precipitation (drama, cheating, lies, and disappointment) than you can handle. Not to mention, what goes around comes around, full circle. So cliché, right? How about, “the way you got that man, is the same way that you could lose that man.”

I must say that I constantly pray for the both of you. I pray that the both of you are truly happy within the home and not through your highlight reel. I would never want to wish ill will or what the both of you did to me upon anyone else. I have moved to the side and allowed God to handle the situation the way he sees fit. You are of no worry to me anymore. I have placed it all in his hands. I now understand that God was only protecting me and making way for his best for me. What you have now was not his best, for me that is. So, I forgive you. I forgive you for knowing about me and still choosing to wreck my home. Honestly, I truly feel sorry for you but I pray that everything works out in your favor. But, if you ever need guidance through heartbreak, I am your girl because I know exactly what you are going to go through because I have been in those shoes before.

I wish you the best darling and I truly hope that you got what you wanted .

Sincerely,

The Ex-Girlfriend

Did you really win?

A Painful Heart

That reoccurring pain... It sucks! Just when you think you are doing well, something else triggers the pain. Honey, be strong because I promise you that it gets better. 

That pain that you feel, I have felt before. It is a pain that cannot be explained. It hurts and it feels as though someone has taken your heart right out of your chest. Trust me, I know it is killing you inside. I've been there and I am so sorry that you are going through this season. Cling to God and ask him to heal your heart. He is the one that heals the brokenhearted. Cry out to him and allow for him to take away that pain. Feel his presence. I know, each day you are asking yourself when will it go away. Time. It takes time to heal but with God all your wounds will be healed. 

One thing that helped me was listening to worship music and just crying out to him. Tell the Lord to take away the pain. Of course it doesn’t happen right away but God hears you, he sees every tear that falls from your eyes. He will step in when the time is right. Wait on him. He has you and that pain you are feeling will go away. Take a deep breath and know that what you are feeling is only temporary. It gets better.

When I say that I know your pain, I know firsthand. For months, I cried and pleaded with God to take away that pain. For months, I felt as though I could not take life anymore. I wanted to give up. I had no problems sleeping but I couldn’t eat. I wasn’t able to eat for months and I lost several pounds. My clothes didn’t fit me anymore and you could see it in my face that depression had taken over me. In the pit of my chest, it ached. It hurt so badly and I didn’t know how to put back the pieces that he shattered. Over the course of months, I dealt with the pain that he caused me. How could this supposedly man, leave me after three years for another female? I questioned myself constantly, what did I do wrong? When I knew for a fact that I did nothing wrong. Worrying and trying to figure out the answers to my unanswered questions drove me 80mph into my depression. Please, do let this be you. Take it from me, it’s not a road that you want to go down.

Knowing that I went through that pain brings tears to my eyes because it’s a pain that you wouldn’t want to wish on anyone but yet I wanted him to feel what he was putting me through. It hurt and it seemed as though he didn’t care. Not once did he reach back to say, “Are you okay?” He moved on with this girl and didn’t look back. Knowing that is what hurt the most I believe. I can’t explain a heartbreak but trust me I know what you are feeling and what you are going through. I also know that you feel weak and you are tired of crying but please don’t give up. I am a walking testimony that it gets better. I'm here for you. God is here with you. Fight through this because it's not the end, it's only the beginning. 

Your pain has purpose.

Broken crayons still color the same.

– Trent Shelton

The Highlight Reel

Social Media has become so many peoples reality. It's pretty sad if you think about it. They live off of the amount of likes and comments that they get from an edited photo or filtered video. This is what we call a highlight reel. A place where individuals highlight all the good in their lives, showcasing what they WANT you to see. Ok, I'm guilty but I am not about to put up the bad and ugly going on in my life, who does that? So, the outsider looking in gets drawn into the false advertisements of others lives. Thinking that they've got it all put together and got it going on. Well honey, I am here to tell you that they don't! 

Real recognize Real Moment

For me, when I was digging where I had no business, in his profile, I would see him posting pictures of them together all happy go lucky. He kept his profile open for awhile, which I believe was a tactic to get to me, and it worked! Anyways, he would post pictures of them like he didn't just break up with me a week ago and took all of our pictures down. He had this girl in his back pocket for awhile is what it all boils down to. He broke up with me and pulled her out for the entire world to see! Just like that and in that order. He would post captions such as "He is happier than he's ever been." Not to mention he said the same things about me, under our pictures. Girl, he are putting on for the media, hard! It was so annoying but I was dumb enough to keep feeding into it.

Understand this, no matter how much people stunt for social media, in real life they are still the SAME person. Remember that! They just have someone new around their arm and on their page. So the same things you dealt with him are the same things that she is going to have to deal with. The poor finance management, self centered mentality, the lies, and maybe the cheating still remains. They can not change those traits in a matter of days.

 Is it really true, "Once a cheater, always a cheater?" 

Don't get caught up in the edited photos because honestly you don't know what is going on behind closed doors. Nor is it any of your business because guess what? They aren't your problem anymore! Let's give a huge sigh of relief! 

These social media platforms are places where people want you to think only the good of them. I mean who is going to post a picture of the mess that they are in? So, stop searching, because when you start digging you are bound to find something.

Get off of their social media! Block them if you have to. I know I sure did. It came to a point where I didn't want to know anything about what they had going on and I dang on sure didn't want them to know what I was doing! Not to say that they were concerned in the first place but I wasn't giving them the option! I truly had to remove myself from social media to guard my heart. Mainly because I was ashamed of what others would think of me. I mean he did cheat on me. I use to think that well since he cheated on me I had to have done something wrong...

Wrong answer! I was more than a great woman to that boy. He just wasn't man enough to see it. I wasn't good enough for him and that is perfectly fine. Just know that you will be good enough for somebody one day! 

Let me tell you one thing that I learned during my break-up, people aren't stupid. They can figure things out through a couple of photos. It's crazy! It's sad but people live for the drama girl. They can figure out if you deleted your pictures off Instagram of one girl then a few weeks later you flood their timelines with a new one...just saying girl! So don't drive yourself crazy wondering what everyone is thinking. Who cares?! You did nothing wrong so live in your truth. They will end up trying to put two and two together, so you don't have to explain yourself to anyone. Trust me, they will ask. There are always three sides to every story, yours, theirs, and the truth. Honey, God doesn't like ugly so if they continue to lie on you the truth will eventually come out. So don't waste your time trying to explain your side of the story! Let God work it out. What's that saying? What goes around comes back around. 

It may not be immediately but it will make its way back around. Let them put on for their social media sights and live their life, it is ok. It is not always what it seems, so do not feed into what it seems to be and allow your mind to play tricks on you. Allow social media be what it is and live in YOUR reality.

Isaiah 41:10

“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Face the Facts

“Acceptance of what has happened is the first step
to overcoming the consequences of any misfortune.”

William James

Let's face the facts! The breakup happened. It's time to get out of your denial and come to realization that they are gone. Stop thinking, "Oh, they'll be back." Honey, they don't need to come back! They made a choice or you had to make the choice to walk away. Why give them the options and have chance after chance? Once you've made that choice to leave, there is no coming back over here! It's a done deal. Now it's time for you to make the decision to either live in denial, fighting to keep that door open to a broken relationship. Or you can make the choice to allow God to close that door and restore you. I know it's hard but it's time to take the steps to accept what has happened. Honey, it is not easy but trust and believe that there is always sunshine after the storm.

That random that has caused you that indescribable pain, let them go! Let them live the life that they choose to live. All you can do is pray for them and leave them in the hands of the Lord. When you are able to fully let them go, you will feel a weight lifted off of your heart. When you want to move towards acceptance, you have to find it within yourself to dig deep. Decide if you want to continue to hurt or do you want to live the life that God has promised you. Girl, its all apart of the his plan! Don't allow this situation to block or hinder your growth any longer. Take back what the devil stole from you. He didn't steal that man either! Accept and move forward in your healing. Don't fight to hold on to a relationship that you thought was meant for you.

What is meant for you, is for you. No one can take it from you.

Acceptance is certainly a hard pill to swallow. Yet, when you are sick and tired of being sick and tired you will figure out a way to swallow it. Its hard to accept that the person that you want doesn't want you anymore. No one likes rejection! You have been hurt, abused, and lied to but God is still in control. There was a point where I kept saying to myself, "why is this happening to me?" I thought I did everything right. Just because your a child of God doesn't mean your immune to the things of this world. Don't carry this hurt and know that you are not alone. Sometimes it seems like there is no way out but in due time things will turn around. This situation is only temporary. Be strong!

He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless (Isaiah 40:29).

You can and will make it through but you have to accept the reality of it all. Make the decision today that you will no longer live in denial. You will no longer allow for him or her, nor the devil to delay your healing. They are not worth it so don't allow them to rule your life. This is something that I had to work on daily. I allowed for him to rule my life by taking over my mind, being afraid to go out in public, continuing on social media, and loosing myself because of what he did to me. I was so ashamed when I didn't do anything wrong! I’m telling you out of experience to fight that spirit of defeat. Greater is coming if you just hold on and don't allow yourself to give up. God always gets the victory so remain in his corner because he is fighting this battle for you!

“Lord grant me the ability to change the things that I can change and accept the things that I am unable to change, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Girl, Get Over It

I get it! Loosing someone that you love/loved is tough but if they wanted to go, girl let them go! Do not even think twice about begging them to stay. It will cause a little or a lot of heartache and pain because essentially you are "loosing" someone. With that being said, sometimes you have to grieve your lost (really its their lost but you know what I mean).

There are five stages of grief:

Denial and Isolation   | Anger   |   Bargaining   |   Depression   |   Acceptance 

You may or may not experience all five stages. Yet, it is extremely important to give your heart the time that it needs to heal. Take your time but try not to take too long! Easier said than done but learn from me, grieving too long will not leave you in the correct state of mind.

During my grieving process, I can be honest, it was tough and I shed many of tears. I allowed myself to go deeper and deeper in my depression over someone that didn't even matter anymore. Now, understand the deeper your in the harder it is to pull yourself out. So, do yourself a favor. It is going to be hard but know that it is perfectly normal and it... is... ok. Cry, scream, do whatever you have to do but most importantly P-R-A-Y.

​At the end of the day, their gone because they chose to leave or you had to make the choice to leave. Either way, let them go and let it be! They didn't see your value when they were with you and they aren't going to value you if you stay. It's their lost! They may not realize it today, tomorrow, or every two years from now but eventually they will. That isn't of your concern though, allow God to handle it. It is time for you to do you, boo! Move on to bigger and better. Don't give too much energy crying over them because I can tell you one thing, they are not crying over you! If they are anything like my ex, they will smile at seeing you cry. They may talk a good game but in reality they will only try to keep you around as a side piece. 

Honey, you are no back pocket chic! Someone they can keep in the back pocket when they "need" something. You better tell them that you are not a convenient store!

This is not Burger King, they can not have their way!

Realize that God has removed that person from your life, for YOUR good! Let me tell you, during my grieving process I hit all five stages, which was the worst! I was in the depression stages for months. I had reached my breaking point and it took me some time to get out of my pity party. Although, its okay to cry, vent, and grieve, don't allow yourself to live in your depression and frustration. When I look back at that time in my life, it makes me upset. I get upset for allowing myself to get that low, over him. Someone that I THOUGHT was everything I wanted but now I realize he isn't worth two dime put together. I was fighting depression while he was smiling for the gram! (Instagram). What kind of foolishness is that? I thought he won and God had him in favor and not me. I felt like he got everything he wanted, which at the time I didn't think was fair. I even became angry at God because I couldn't see why he would allow me to go through so much pain.

Now...

I realize that in the end he got the short end of the stick. God had/has victory for me! I am much better than when I was in that relationship. Don't get me wrong, the two of us had some great times together and made awesome memories. It's when I looked at the long-term, I was/am better off without him.  

It took a couple of months for me to get back to ME, but I did it! You can too! ​This entire situation, God is preparing you. Although you are unable to see it, does not mean that He isn't working. He sees your hurt and pain, and he will restore you. Keep fighting and do not allow the enemy to win! The devil only wants to see you miserable, don't even give him or that troll the satisfaction.

Get out of your funk, do what makes you happy! Starting hanging out with your friends, go shopping, travel, etc. Now, don't be like me, shop and party until you drop because that doesn't solve anything either. Just get back to you and starting living again. Soon you will realize that they were only holding you back from your destiny.

Let it go. By Felicia! Take control over your heart and get ready to walk into your blessing.

Ask your self, did you really NEED him?

Matthew 11:28-30

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

The Heartbreak

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”

Heartbreak

is a noun that describes overwhelming

distress, sadness, and disappointment.

Everyone encounters heartbreak at some point in their lives. It can come in the form of the loss of a love one or a relationship ending. Whatever the case maybe, girl it hurts! The feeling is indescribable. It’s just a pain within your heart that feels like it is taking life out of you. Trust me girl, I have felt this pain before and nobody can understand that feeling unless they’ve felt it firsthand. It’s a pain that I wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemy!

When it comes to a relationship ending, honey I can relate. Having a person walk out on you, choose someone else over you, or cheat on you (or all of the above) is something that is extremely hard to go through. You feel used and taken for granted by a person that you love, wondering how could they and why? Knowing you went above and beyond for that person, giving them no reason to walk out on you. Yet, they found some selfish reason to do so. Bump them!

My Story

To sum up my story, I was dating this guy for almost three years. We eventually moved in together (forty-five minutes away from my hometown, family, and friends), mistake #1! I re-located my job, mistake #2. Basically, I did everything for this man, putting him before myself. Mistake #3! To me, I thought our relationship was peachy and we were headed towards marriage. I seriously thought life was good. Ha! Well, I guess he had other plans because he broke up with me and chose another woman he had been cheating on me with. When I found out I was devastated! I was completely blindsided. Literally, a week before our relationship came crumbling down, we celebrated Valentine’s Day. We conversed about our future together, little did I know in reality he was not referring to his future with me. While I was left to pick up the pieces, he moved on and is living happily ever after. There is a lot more to the story but I will save that for a later post.

Stay tuned...

I wish people would understand that love is more than just a feeling, it is something that you have to choose to work for and keep alive. It is not something that is painful nor will it ever cheat on you. Would God cheat on you? No and never will he. So why settle for a human being cheating on you? Gods love is everlasting and he is the perfect companion. He wipes every tear when they fall, he comforts you when you’re lonely, he is your shelter from the rain, he feeds you when you are hungry, and he always makes a way out of no way! So understand that you will get through this!

This relationship ending was God closing a door that you probably shouldn’t have opened in the first place. It’s just as the saying goes…

“When God closes a door, he opens up another.”

So cliché I know but it certainly is true. Allow him to close that door of that relationship, don’t fight him to keep it open! Protect your heart from the heartache that they have already caused you. Don’t allow them to keep hurting you. And honey take it from me, don’t go around digging and trying to find out answers either. What do I mean by digging? I mean stalking his social media accounts, asking his family and friends questions, trying to contact him. Trust me, been there, done that! You are only adding fuel to that narcissistic fool's fire. It will only bring you more pain or cause you to question even more. Trust me, if I could go back in time, I would have closed that door and nailed it shut!  

I know right now it may be hard for you but know that it gets better. This is not the end, it’s only the beginning. What is for you on the other side of this will so much sweeter. This is only a test to your testimony, so don’t give up! I know it may be easier said than done but don’t allow the devil or that man/woman that hurt you to defeat you. Don’t allow this situation to run your life. Honey, they are not worth it!

Keep pressing into the word of God, not into your circumstances and your healer will do his thing!

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. Love never ends.”

Welcome to The Heartbreak Hotel

Growing up, I’ve always dreamed of the “perfect” love story. Marrying my prince charming, having three kids (yes, three), and living in a beautiful home with the white picked fence. What they didn’t tell me, was that you had to kiss many frogs before your dreams become reality. 

Heartbreak sucks! 

But people break up everyday. 

Some breakups are little tougher to get through. To be transparent, I went through a terrifying breakup that I did not think I would make it out of. Luckily for me, I had a strong support system and the help of my Lord and Savior, I made it through. During my healing process, it was put on my heart to start a blog to help others through their journey. Time and time again, I pushed that thought to the side, thinking that no one wants to hear what I have to say or need my help. Then I realized how I needed help during that time, so why not be a help to others going through the same things that I went through. Let’s be clear, me going through these breakups does not make me an expert but it has made me a stronger woman and strengthen my relationship with God. Now, I am ready to share!

With this blog, my hopes are to help others through their healing process and help them understand that they do not have to go through this alone. It may not be you that is going through a heartbreak but it maybe someone you know. So, please share and let’s mend hearts together!

Thank you for reading and join me on this journey.